white nights, again

i read white nights at nineteen
and thought it was a beautiful sad story about a man who loses a girl.

i read it again this year.

it’s about a man who is grateful for four days
because he has never had anything to compare them to.
he isn’t heartbroken at the end. he’s thankful.
that’s so much worse.

i didn’t understand the ending at nineteen
because i hadn’t yet had the experience
of taking the smallest thing anyone gave me
and building an entire life out of it.